Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
