This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
