garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Is it because I queefed?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
