I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
