He is an equal opportunity slut.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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