Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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