i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
