Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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