is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
