dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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