Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You're a waste of cheezeits
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
