Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
