And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
