I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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