If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
