Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
