I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
