Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
