Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
