I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
