Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
