phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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