I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
