yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
