i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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