I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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