guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize