We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize