Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
