Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
