redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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