well you can't waste a boner
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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