the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize