Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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