my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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