He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
