We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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