Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
