If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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