I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
