I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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