you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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