Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
