Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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