While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
