I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
