I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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