sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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