There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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