If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
