Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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