THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize