I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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