You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
