I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
