What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
