There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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