come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
