Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
