please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
