porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
