Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
