Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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