He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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