I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
