"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We left the knife in your bed.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
