wrigley field is MILF paradise
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize