Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
