3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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