I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
