I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
